I have something to hide....

I'm afraid...
what would it be if my secret was out....

I fear, cause I have something to hide....

What would you think of me...?

Dear Diary...

Dear Diary,
Funny how LOVE can kill my life.
Be prepared for a hell of a story...

Today I cried a lot... Until my eyes were all puffy, red and ugly...
I didn't sleep for 5 hours...
My heart jumped fast whenever I try to sleep...
At the end I did not go to school...
And it's my favourite date, 20th.

I talked to my mom, and my brother while they see me cry...
They love me... It makes me tear more...
My brother is a smart guy...
He told me a lot of things... And make me wonder...
I really don't know what to do if what he says is true.....
But I need to know the truth...

The funny part is,
I thought if I didn't hear about your stuff I'll be okay...
I'll survive and smile like everything's fine...
I'll be able to concentrate back my studies...
I'll be able to live like you're finally out of my life...
I adjusted my feelings, my mood...
I thought I was going to be fine...
But it just ended me up writing more stories...

Everyday I have something to say to him and I wrote it down...
"Xxxxx, it's raining... Remember to cover blanket... If not later you ..."
"Xxxxx, when you're working don't forget to take care of yourself... She needs you ..."
"Xxxxx, I see her status she seems sad... You two okay...? ..."
"Xxxxx, don't too busy if not who's accompanying her? I didn't text her you know ..."
"Xxxxx, so many times I wanted to contact back you... I'm so weak ..."
"Xxxxx, I missed you so much... But I shouldn't tell you ..."
I talk to myself... Cry to myself...

I'm trying to create a song...

But I couldn't, not without thinking about you...

Finally I noticed I was wrong.....
What I'm doing is just running away from the fact that HE has my damn bloody heart...
No matter how hard I try, how far I run,
I can never run away from my own heart....
Defeated....

When last time I've written my last post in this blog,
I thought it's finally game over...
I thought I'm finally free from the boundaries of my own LOVE...
I thought I can start to love somebody else...
I thought I don't need to wear mask or pretend to be strong anymore...
But, my heart doesn't listen to my brain...
It's not like I'm asking back the relationship,
It just hurts me a lot because of my own stupidity...
I'm mad at myself because I know I'll still choose you if I'm given another choice....
I wonder how many people would laugh at me hearing this....

I'm always too good at pretending...

To be happy, alive, still breathing, acting totally like someone else...

I never let anyone see me sad, unless I wanted to...

Yes perhaps I did lie to you...

But not before I think about the consequences...

WHY sometimes I still hope that you'll know I'm lying...?

WHY sometimes I still hope you'll know what my heart thinks and prove me wrong...?

WHY sometimes your one word can make me believe in love again...?

WHY sometimes I hope that we're still together...?

Sometimes all my pretending scares me...

All the tears I've shed alone.
All the notes I've written on net and hidden from you.
All the things I've said and done.
I lost myself in the process for the second time...
Why did I ever have loved you MORE than myself...?
I bet it's suffocating you....
Making you couldn't breathe...
Giving you not happiness but just pressure...
That's why it's not sweet anymore being together with me...
And yes I know I'm the one causing problems for myself....
Maybe I'm the one with communication problems....
I never blame you, Sweetie....
Just don't say sorry to me...
Because I want me to be the one not good enough, not you...

I know what I do all along is not enough....

I made you lose your smile....

And made you shed tears instead...

But at least I'm trying to give you the best...

Even after breakup...

Forgive me for I'm not strong at all actually...

I'm so fragile that sometimes I feel that breathing can kill me...

My heart has pain-disorder...

And my brain is starting to get infected...

You can go on living your life...
You don't have to remember about how much I've loved you...
Just please remember that I never try to take happiness away from you...
No matter how jealous I am or how unhappy I will be...

But since I said that I won't snatch, won't rob, won't steal, won't compete with her,

That makes me even more stupid-er if I continue to wait...

I don't even know WHAT am I waiting for....

A Start-Over?

A Happily-Ever-After?

A Miracle..?

I heard people say that,
"Love can make you forget Time, and Time can make you forget Love"...
I hope it's true for me, and NOT true for you...
I hope I can forget my Love towards you when Time passes by...
But I hope you won't forget your Love towards her when Time passes by...
I hope that you can prove to me there's a "Forever Love" in this world...
I'll still be happy even though if it's not through me...
Prove it through her it's still the same....

I don't know you understand or not...
I don't know what I'm writing either....
This is just a part of my heart....
I can't keep everything inside my heart,
That's why I write stuffs out...
Imagine what will it be like staying inside my heart,
Full of your shadows and tears of my own... LOL...

Sweetie,
I don't ask for much...
I will hide my tears away carefully this time.
All I want is just your
Happily-Ever-After...

What was mine, is Lost.

"Do you know that behind every drops of tears I've shed,
There's always a story I wanted to tell you..?
I'm sorry I'm not perfect...
Or even near perfect...."

with love,
♥ Me

遗忘•难

好快...
三个月了...
其实，你过得好吗？
其实，你真正开心吗？
其实，你有忘记过我吗？

你会不会有想我的时候？
你会不会怀念以前的时候？
你会不会后悔？
可惜？
哈哈，也是随便问问而已...
有些事~ 从你眼中，看得到...
反正，这文章你也看不到~


这次，
一切变得好快...

我现在可以跟自己讲我不想你了吗？
  我现在可以跟自己讲我不爱你了吗？
    我现在可以跟自己讲我放下你了吗？
      我现在可以跟自己讲该离开你了吗？


我不后悔...
只是，
我也不想浪费我的泪水...


请你告诉我，你现在很好好吗？
  请你告诉我，你现在很开心好吗？
请你告诉我，你现在不爱我了好吗？
  请你告诉我，你现在不需要我了好吗？
请你告诉我，你现在想要我离开你好吗？
  请你告诉我，你现在会好好对待你的女朋友... 好吗?

很想听你说...

很想你亲口告诉我...

不然，

我还继续无法自拔就不好了...

时光机，哪里有卖？
我想，回去一趟...
看看曾经好好的我们...

一趟就好...

Lost-Love*Broken-Promise

加油!

ᵇᵅᵇᵞ ♥

心的距离

听人说，人为什么会吵架？

因为彼此的心都好远了，吵架是因为想大声的说话，

让彼此的心都能听到自己的想法...

他/她会和你吵架，

是因为他/她真的想要你听到他/她内心的世界...

如果连吵架都不跟你吵的人，

或许早就已经不在乎彼此的心有多远了...

这道理，和情侣为什么说悄悄话，

就可以明白彼此要讲些什么，

是一样的...

情侣之间的心还很近的时候，一个眼神就够了...

一个微笑，一个拥抱，可以代替一切...

今天也突然发现，

或许你的心,

真的是很遥远了，

实在是太远了，

我最近才会动不动就对你大小声...

其实我也不想的，
或许我还不习惯吧...

对不起...

你不喜欢的事，

我会改的...

脆弱

ᵇᵅᵇᵞ ♥

How are YOU?

Today,

I noticed LIFE will NEVER be easy.
    I made MISTAKES but thankfully,
          NOTHING is permanent in this world, not even our PROBLEMS...
I'm trying to live a BETTER life. Are YOU?


To TRAVEL is more important than to REACH.
    I chose THIS route and I appreciated the JOURNEY.
          But I did NOT reach, I got off during the ride...
I learned a LOT while I moved on. Did YOU?


My LIFE is NOT emo.
    I'm just SENSITIVE and EMOTIONAL.
          I express, so that people like YOU could understand...
Sometimes I wished that you will understand EVEN if I don't talk.
Will YOU?


``all da BEST in your health~
``all da BEST in your studies~
``all da BEST in your financial~
``all da BEST in your relationship~

Yes my beloved,

I will be happy... =]

ᵇᵅᵇᵞ ♥

When you loved somebody too much ♥

You tend to be stuck in those memories...

You think about the good stuff,

which makes you smile.

But there's always the sad stuff,

where you automatically shut it off

when your mind tries to think about it,

and you get the little heartache every time.

You tend to forgot how to go shopping alone...

You forgot how to not go movie alone...

You always see shadows of that someone wherever you go.

You see couples holding hands,

and you get a sour feeling inside your heart.

For it reminds you of a feeling you once know so well.

You tend to forgot how to spend your birthday without hugs and kisses...

Things that made your heart beat fast.

Things that you've been waited a whole year for.

You count the days when Valentine's Day is near,

even though you know that you'll be alone without a partner...

You remember all the presents you used to get.

All the effort you used to give,

just to make the present for that person.

You tend to forgot how to not wait for any phone messages...

You tend to forgot how to sleep without a call...

Sometimes you look at your phone,

and you just don't know who to contact anymore.

Suddenly you're just,

quiet.

Some tend to forgot that you're not his anymore...

They tend to tie you around.

But then...

Everyone's selfish in love,

WHO wants to share?

You never stop loving someone.

You just learn how to live without them.

It's not HATRED that is behind LOVE.

It's forget...

And yea,

I don't hate you.

It's just that I couldn't look into your eyes...

Because they make me SAD,

and fill MINE with disappointment...

ᵇᵅᵇᵞ ♥

原来，爱情会令我这样...

其实，我想谢谢你...

因为你，我没了脾气，忍耐度变得好好，很少真正生气你，对你更是比对家人还温柔...

因为你，我明白了没钱的苦，父母为了我的苦...

因为你，我去打工，明白了原来社会上，我如果不出声，我会是个容易被欺负的人...

因为你，我尝过为人而活的感觉，让我领悟到，我也该珍惜我身边的人...

因为你，我发现了我自己哪里不好，改善自己...

因为你，我尝试过很爱一个人的感觉，分辨得出真正爱我的人...

因为你，我明白了这世界爱情的道理，付出了就不可以后悔...

因为你，我明白原来爱，可以用好几种方法来表达...

因为你，我明白寂寞的孤独，并不是坚强的独立...

因为你，我明白原来女人的眼泪不能挽留一切，有些事还是不能勉强...

因为你，我开始做家务，想让你看到干净又舒服的环境...

因为你，我开始学做菜，希望以后有一天，会有机会弄饭等你放工回来吃...

因为你，我开始不挑食，以前不吃的现在都会吃...

因为你，我变得比以前漂亮，异性缘比以前好...

因为你，我比以前成熟，懂得把眼泪伪装成笑容...

因为你，我了解了女生和男生的不一样，明白性格的重要性...

因为你，我了解未来是要计划的，不可以随便做决定...

因为你，我明白真正相爱过的不能做朋友，也了解"爱"的背面...

因为你，我了解我心里装的是什么，知道我以后要的是什么...

因为你，我今天，看到你爱吃的苦瓜炒蛋，我吃了，不像以前那样皱眉头的看着桌上的菜...

其实我真的很不明白，苦瓜苦苦的，有什么好吃？
就像我不明白，

为什么曾经相爱的人不能在一起一样...

-Memories-

ᵇᵅᵇᵞ ♥

I'm not your superwoman.

Love is so beautiful...

Love is so weak...

Love is so sweet...

Love is so hard...

Love changed me...

Love took everything from me...

Love gave me hope...

Love made me give up...

Love made me believe...

Love made me disappointed...

Love taught me how to forgive...

Love taught me how to forget...

Love made me learn...

Love made me confused...

Love made me smile... 

Love made me cry...

Love made me laugh... 

Love made me numb...

Love made me happy...

Love made me lonely...

...

You should have known better

that what a GIRL wants

is just

L.O.V.E.

...

Love her like YOU promised her.

Love her like how YOU first time met her.

Love her like YOU will lose her any minute.

Love her like she is going to die tomorrow...

Don't make her cry.

Don't make her sad.

Don't make her disappointed.

Don't make her lonely.

Don't make her give up.

a GIRL really can do anything for YOU...

Just because she Loves YOU.

I.used.to.believe.in.Marriage.

ᵇᵅᵇᵞ ♥

Friend's Story, My Tears...

I heard from a friend, she had this friend, June.

June loved her boyfriend so much.

They were together more than a year and things were fine.

Even though sometimes they argue and fight, but they always get back together.

But once, they fought real bad.

And she decided to break up with him.

After few days, her boyfriend came back for her.

He called, he texted her.

But June tried not to go back to him.

Even though she really really loves him.

She just feel that this time,

Maybe they should calm down a bit more.

Or that she should just move on and start a better life.

So, June decided to ignore him.

She refrained herself from replying his messages.
She did not answer his calls.

And a couple of weeks went by.

Then,

On this one day,

It was their one year and a half anniversary.

June decided she should call him.

And tell him how much she had missed him.

And that this day was their special day.

So June called his cell.

Once..

Twice..

But no one answered.

June was worried, he was never used in not answering calls.

So June continued to call but still,

No one answers.

Even until his phone couldn't get through
Maybe because it ran out of battery.

It was already around 2.00 am.

June really had a bad feeling inside her heart...
She couldn't sleep.

After a few hours,

June received a call from somebody...

Her boyfriend,
No wait,
Her EX boyfriend...

Had died...

Due to an accident...

Along with his two siblings...

...

The news was too shocking.

June couldn't believe!

She was already going to make it up with him.
And today is such a perfect day to do so!

How...

Why!

...

When she was calling him,

He was already in the accident.

He couldn't answer...

For he died right on the spot...

Tragedy...

She still loves him.
So much.

She went to his funeral...

She saw him lying in there...

And she is really broken...

Then,

a sentence struck me.

"Who ever that you're in love with NOW, please tell him...

I've learned my lesson.

Don't wait until there's NO more chance..."

Yea I texted him that day.

But that was my last...

-Together till the End-

  
ᵇᵅᵇᵞ ♥ eu